4. If He’s Mean to You, It’s Probably Because He’s a Jerk

Keeping with the heterosexual relationship norms here, but this message applies for all kinds of sexual and emotional relationships too, I hate, hate, HATE the old “if he’s mean to you, it’s probably because he likes you” comment. Is it true? Probably. It begins in elementary school, when boys pick on us and tease us if they think we’re pretty. Unfortunately, it follows us into adulthood, where guys ignore our texts, say backhanded comments, and embarrass us in front of their friends if they “like us.” I could go on and on about the problems with that issue, but I’ll stick with my messaging to my daughters.

The truth of the matter is this: if he’s mean to you, it’s probably because he’s a jerk. Boys who are mean don’t deserve our attention or affection. They’ll become men who are mean and don’t deserve our attention or affection. As women, we need to expect more and give our attention and affection to the men who are kind to us. Those men exist and are easier to find then we are led to believe. The reason women in their teens and 20s date “jerks” is because we are taught that jerky behavior = love. I choose to teach my daughters that jerky boys are jerks and to save your affection for the nice boys. I hope it saves them some heartache in the future, but it will at least teach them to respect their right to kindness in a relationship.

Disagree with Me? Tell Me “why.”
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