I think all parents would like to gain the wisdom to know how not to yell at your child. Usually, we end up yelling when we feel out of control with the situation we are dealing with. We don’t know what else to do to get our message across to them. These are some tips on how not to yell at your child when you are feeling that way.
1. Lower Your Voice Instead
Sometimes it helps if we lower our voice instead of raising it. This is true for a couple of different reasons. One, it requires you to be very intentional, which means you will think more carefully about what you are saying. Two, your child will notice the difference in your voice and it will get their attention. They will wonder what is going on and pay very close attention to you and what you are saying. This is one of the best tips for how not to yell at your child.
A lot of times we can use a lighter approach if the situation we are dealing with is not that major. If it is a situation where your children just are not listening and you feel like you are repeating yourself over and over, this may be a good way to deal with it. Instead of yelling, say what you need to say by singing it. Since mothers don’t usually go around singing a scolding, they will wonder what is up and listen to you more consciously. They will hopefully do what you are asking them so you can go on with your day. This also infuses a bit of humor into what could be a tense situation with our children which is something I think we all need from time to time.
3. Take a Moment
There are times when you just need to take a moment to yourself. Mommies need a timeout as much as children do on occasion. Tell your child you are taking some time to think about things and you will get back to them. Go into a room where you can be alone and get your thoughts in order. Think about what you need to convey to your child and the way to do it without yelling. You will be much more in control of yourself and the situation when you approach your child again.
4. Tell Your Child You Are Not Talking to Them until You Calm down
This is one that you need to use sparingly because it signals to your child that you are really upset. There have been a few times, especially as my children are going into their teens when I have had to simply tell them I am not going to talk to them for a while because I am too upset. This lets them know they have violated a significant boundary and that you are taking it very seriously. It also gives you both time to think about the situation. This is a good thing and can be beneficial when you are ready to deal with them again.
5. Make It a Goal
There are sometimes we simply have to make things a goal for ourselves. If you realize that you are yelling at your children more than on a rare occasion, you probably need to see that as an issue to work on. Make it a goal to stop that habit. Use some of these strategies to help you deal with the temptation to yell. It may help to talk to a professional about how to deal with your frustrations and anger in a healthier way, too.
6. Challenge Yourself
Challenging ourselves is always a motivation. We know that we are working toward accomplishing something important. Choose a time period like a month or 45 days and work toward that. You will realize at the end of that time period that you really have changed your habits. The change will probably stick much easier at that point.
7. Remember Words Hurt
This is something that we all need to remember as parents. Words can really hurt. And while we are responsible for guiding and correcting our children’s misbehavior, we don’t want to do so in a manner that leaves them with an emotional wound. It is also okay to say you are sorry as a mom if you find that you did say something hurtful. This teaches our children that we are human and we realize we have limitations, too.
I really hope that these tips have offered you some practical ways to not yell at your child. I would love to hear what you have learned in dealing with this issue. Would you share your successes about this part of parenting?