7 Methods of Dealing with Problem Parents ...

Dealing with problem parents is a considerable challenge. They can be difficult even when you've been married for years and have children of your own. So what do you do when you have interfering or dictatorial parents? Unfortunately, you can't divorce them, so you have to learn how to handle them. Here are some tips on dealing with problem parents

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Don't Let Them Buy You

One essential tactic in dealing with problem parents is to avoid allowing them to control you using money. Parents may try to get their way with the promise of leaving you money in their will. They may imply that they will change their mind if you don't do whatever they want you to do. Don't let your parents buy you. Is that money really worth giving in for?

Firmness

Problem parents must be treated with firmness. If you give in just to keep the peace you will find yourself doing so time and again. Make it clear when something they do is unacceptable and bothers you. They may not like you standing up for yourself, but persist so that they get the message.

You're an Adult

Parents often find it difficult to accept that their children are now independent adults with opinions of their own. Perhaps this has something to do with the lack of a word to describe adult children (other than son or daughter). When your parents treat you as if you were still a young child, remind them that you are a grown adult and make your own decisions.

Different Way

We all have our different ways of doing things. But do your parents firmly believe that theirs is the only way? They may tell you how you're mishandling your finances, children, household or career. Make it clear to them that you have your own methods that work for you, and ignore any attempts they make to tell you what you should be doing.

Ignore Emotional Blackmail

A parent's job should be to prepare their children for independence. Yet some are so against the thought of their offspring flying the nest that they try to sabotage their intentions to leave home. Emotional blackmail is often used in this situation ("how will I manage if you move away?"), and in others. If your parents try this, don't let it change your plans. You have to live your own life.

You Don't Owe Them

Emotional blackmail is also often used to imply that you owe your parents in return for anything or everything they've done for you over the years. You don't. Caring about them doesn't mean that you should do what they want. Your life belongs to you, and you should live it the way you choose. Anything your parents do for you should not have strings attached.

Limit Contact

If your problem parents are really too much to handle and causing you endless stress, the only answer may be to limit contact. Some parents are so difficult that you even have to end contact completely. This is a difficult decision to make, but sometimes vital for your well-being - unfortunately there are a few parents who are just too destructive to have around.

Parents should be the people you can rely on most. They should love you unconditionally and support your choices in life. However, it doesn't always work like that. For example, if parents don't like your partner, they can make it all too obvious, rather than accepting that you have chosen to be with this person. Have you experienced any parental problems that made your life difficult?

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

My younger brother is an alcoholic and former drug abuser. He has been in an out of rehab at least twice. We are from a wealthy family and he has never been disciplined or had real responsibility. Our parents had an ugly divorce when he was 12 and he choose to live with my father. I was in college. My father died when my brother was barely 18. My brother dropped out of high school at 16 to learn the family business supposedly. When my father passed, my brother inherited a large sum of money from life insurance. The estate was tied up in a trust until he turned 25. My husband and I had been taking care of my mother all this time, while he ran wild. He I'd now 33 years old and has been living in the home my mother rents at a discount from us for over a year. The arrangement was that he was getting out of rehab, his wife was divorcing him, he needed to stay away from his old friends, old town,find a job, go to AA, get involved in church where he could make friends that don't want to hang out in bars, etc, and get his own place. Instead...my mom's rent for a 1200 sq ft house on four acres with three bedrooms all with walk in closets, two full baths, eat in kitchen, separate dining room, and laundry room. She has a craft room built off the house. A huge deck with a wheelchair/handicapped ramp on the front built on. My husband cut and weed eats the yard for her. He takes her trash off for her. She doesn't have a water bill. Her rent has been $ 445.00 a month for eight years even thought the house payment is more than that. We discount it because she is my mother. She has been collecting $ 425.00 a month from my brother. He has done several things that make him untrustworthy. He used my checking account without my permission to pay one of his bills. He has been caught hiding liquor several times. He has two kids fro a previous marriage he hardly ever sees because he is too busy seeing a 19 year old girl that just had a baby that there is a slim chance could be his too. I said all that to say that my mother can not understand why we think it is in his and her best interest for him to either 1. Decide to get the help he came here for if he is going to stay. Or 2. Move out. She thinks we are being so unfair. She forgets who took care of her when he wasn't giving her rent money. Where was he when he had his millions and she needed help??!! Oh and now he's a month behind on his rent...we told her not to depend on his money.

You are so right. I needed to read this. Thank you.

I agree with you but we OWE them a lot .

YES! Thank you thank you! This is exactly what parents need to see. This is just absolutely fantastic

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