By Alison • 5 Comments
If your children have different fathers, have you ever been criticised? These days, it's not uncommon for families to be different from the norm of a married couple living with their own biological children who share the same parents. Yet people can be rude about women who have children in different relationship. Here are some reasons why you shouldn't be ashamed if your children have different fathers …
You should never be ashamed if your children have different fathers because with the best will in the world, relationships don't always last. When you had your children it was almost certainly with the expectation that you and your child's dad would always be together. But he may leave, or the relationship just doesn't work out. That happens, and you shouldn't feel bad.
The most important thing is that you're still a good mom. Sure, it would be ideal for all your children to be born into the same relationship. But the fact that it didn't happen that way doesn't make you a bad mom. Why shouldn't you have more children in another relationship if you want?
Rod Stewart and Mick Jagger each have children with four or five women. But if a woman were to have children with five different men … well, you can imagine what people would have to say about that. In fact, Kate Winslet was heavily criticised for having three children with three different men. So if men can have children with multiple partners and not be called names, then you should not be ashamed that your children have different fathers.
This double standard is not limited to celebrities. According to a study by the National Center for Health Statistics, 40% of children in the United States are born to unmarried parents. This means that many families have children with different fathers, yet there is still a stigma attached to it. However, research has shown that children from blended families can have just as positive outcomes as those from traditional families. It is important to focus on the love and support that a parent provides, rather than the number of partners they may have had. Ultimately, what matters most is the well-being and happiness of the children.
Really, it's nobody else's business if your kids don't share the same dad. Your new partner may be their father anyway in all but name; lots of men treat their partner's older children as their own. Your family unit may not be totally conventional in some people's eyes, but in the modern world it's far from unusual.
Most women have their children within steady relationships that unfortunately don't work out. When you decided to bring a child into your relationship, you thought that it was going to last. So having children by different fathers most definitely doesn't make you irresponsible.
A good stepfather will love your child by a previous relationship as if they were his own. A blood relationship doesn't always mean a lot. You wouldn't say that an adopted child was not yours, and so children with different fathers are still very much siblings. 'Blended' families are really quite common nowadays.
The important thing is that your children are loved and that they feel secure. It's certainly not easy blending families and for everyone to adapt, but it can definitely be done. The fact that your children don't share a father is not for other people to criticise, and is far from the biggest problem they will face in life.
So if you get criticism from other people about your children having different fathers, ignore them or politely tell them that it is none of their business. Having children with one man may be ideal, but this is not an ideal world. If you have children from different relationships, have you ever faced disapproval?