7 Important Things Every Stepmom Must Know and Remember ...


7 Important Things Every Stepmom Must Know and Remember ...
7 Important Things Every Stepmom Must Know and Remember ...

There are things every stepmom must know in order to have the best possible outcome as a stepmom. I know this because I am a stepmom and have learned a lot of this through trial and error. I also have children of my own so I know both sides of the fence, the feelings of a mother and a stepmother. It is my hope that by sharing some of the things every stepmom must know that you will be saved some time and mistakes.

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They Have a Mother

Your stepchildren have a mother and it is not you. This sounds overly simplistic but this one needs to sink in on many different levels to best help you. It is one of the most important things every stepmom must know. I always knew this, of course, but I remember when this really hit me. I felt relieved when I realized it was unfair of me to expect myself to feel for my stepchild like I do my own children. In addition, my stepchild doesn’t feel the same toward me as they do their mother and that is perfectly okay.


Lower Your Expectations

It helps to realize that you may have set your expectations too high. You may have had visions of being one big happy family and that is not becoming a reality. That is okay. If you can be kind and civil to each other, that is a big blessing. Be thankful for that.


Let Yourself off the Hook

One thing I did early in my stepmom years was criticize myself constantly. I didn’t know what I was doing because I had no knowledge of what my role should be. Let yourself off the hook. Realize that you are doing your best. If you are kind and caring to your stepchild or stepchildren, let the rest go.


Get Educated about Being a Stepmom

I will confess that I knew absolutely nothing about being a stepmom when I became one. I didn’t even really know a stepmom. One of the best things you can do is get educated about being a stepmom. It can be helpful to read about emotions other stepmoms feel and roles they fill. There are some really awesome books and websites for stepmoms.


Accept Your Relationship

Accept your relationship as it is. It may never be what you envisioned and that can be okay. It is okay to be sad that things are not shaping up the way you dreamed. Realize that the way things are can still be good. Be glad to have any positive relationship with the stepchild or stepchildren in your life. I have learned to be thankful for even small moments of bonding.


Allow Them Their Space

One of the worst things you can do as a stepmom is to push your stepchild to be closer to you than they want to be. Give them their space, both physically and emotionally. They are less likely to irritate you and you are less likely to irritate them when you do this. Letting them set the pace for the relationship is a great piece of advice to follow. If you can only talk about two or three topics, let it be at that.


Leave the Door Open

It is important to leave the door open for a closer relationship with your stepchild. This means that you leave your heart open to them. It also means that you continue to care about them when they act like they couldn't care less about you. You never know what the future might hold. It might be years down the road but your relationship could certainly change for the better.

Being a stepmom is a unique position. I am very curious to hear what you have learned as a stepmom. What valuable lessons can you share that you have learned?

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Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

@Kiana that is awful,

my partner is starting to notice that she actually might HATE me. i don’t know what to do. she’s very disrespectful most of the times. I love her dad, but i love my sanity more

I am a stepmom of a 5 year old at times she loves me, and other times all she says is stop it!! when i say hello This is soooo frustrating because i don’t tolerate my nephews and nieces to be brats. I have tried so hard to get along, about to give up

I have 2 step kids and am in a interracial marriage. My husband is black and I'm white. His ex wife is black. The past 7 years have been hard with his kids because the mom drills in their head some awful things. Not to be nice to me, I'm white so I shouldn't be married to their dad. I have been physically attacked by a 8 year old girl who obviously has been taught to hate me. It's hard no joke. So sometimes you can be a good step mom but the odds are against you. Sometimes I just want to hide. But what do you do.

I had an amazing step mom I look to her as the model for me, now that I am almost one.

One thing I have always done as a step mother was to give them time alone with their father. I get along great with my step children, and I know they love me, like I love them, but I always wanted them to have special time with their dad. Sometimes it was as simple as going to bed a little early.

i am a step mom and a happy one .

@Kiana that was a mean answer for a 9year old. My own then 7 year old stepson was trying to boss me around, I later found out their mum was giving them instructions about how to frustrate me to run away from their dad.

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