In the interest of full disclosure, I have to tell you that I am not yet a parent, but I am an only child and am thus familiar with many foolproof ways to avoid spoiling your only child. A lot of parents worry about spoiling their kids, but it's especially worrisome to parents of only children. It's easy to spoil us, after all, because we're the babies, the sole angels in the family, and we admittedly become very good at manipulating situations. Showering your child with love is one thing, but you do want to look into some ways to avoid spoiling your only child if you want to avoid a potentially sticky situation.
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1. Set Limits and Boundaries
Setting limits is one of the best ways to avoid spoiling your only child – or any child, for that matter. Without boundaries, children don't know what is and isn't allowed. With an only child, it's even more important. Your only child may be used to getting what he or she wants at home, even within reason, but you have to teach the little button that the world won't always work that way. Behavioral boundaries are also important, because only children are well-known for temper tantrums for a reason.
2. Don't Permit Begging
You don't get what you want through begging and whining, ever. My parents were very quick to teach me this lesson, because goodness knows I tried to beg when they told me “no.” Hearing your only darling say, “Please, please, please, I need it so very much!” may sound cute, but don't give in and don't permit it to continue – it's that tantrum thing again.
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3. Create Responsibilities
Giving your only child responsibilities is a great way to block any spoiled behavior – and I promise they'll be happy to help you, especially when they're younger. This teaches your child that rewards aren't free, and that to get something, they have to fulfill a responsibility. It will also make things easier when your child gets a little older and you get tired of being the one to clean up his or her room.
Assign tasks that are age-appropriate, like setting the dinner table or feeding the family pet. Use positive reinforcement to encourage them; this doesn't always mean material rewards, but could be extra storytime or choosing a weekend activity. This helps instill a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. Remember, it's not just about doing chores; it's about teaching life skills and the value of contributing to the family unit.
4. Allow Disappointment
Disappointing your child is hard, and no parent really wants to do that. With an only child especially, however, it's so necessary. Your child has to learn that he or she can't always get his or her way. It's a tough lesson but an essential one – and I promise, your baby won't really hate you.
5. Stick to Your Guns
Hearing the word no, feeling disappointed, and not being allowed to beg will sometimes make your sole sweetie want to beg more – or throw tantrums. Don't give in to this behavior. That just teaches your child that if he or she screams loudly enough or asks long enough, you'll give in, and that's no good for either of you.
Resisting the urge to placate your child with a quick 'yes' can be incredibly challenging, but consistency is key. Stand firm in your decisions, and they'll learn that boundaries are non-negotiable. It might be tough to endure the waterworks or the mini-meltdown in the aisle of a grocery store, but remember, you're molding a person capable of handling rejection and building resilience. Celebrate the victories when they accept a 'no' with grace, and always reinforce the understanding that not getting everything they want is a normal, healthy part of life.
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6. Yes or No?
You also have to know when to say yes and when to say no. There has to be some pattern or your child will get confused – and, yes, that too leads to the fabled only child temper tantrum. Make sure that your child knows what to expect, even with other family members. If your child is getting a special treat for something, make sure he or she knows it's a one-time thing.
7. Encourage Discussion
You also have to let your baby vent, even at a younger age. Encourage discussions, explain the rules and why they exist, and let your child express his or her frustration or anger. This, too, will circumvent those terrible tantrums, and it will help your child understand why he or she isn't getting something.
I'm definitely not saying that you shouldn't love your child without reservation, and giving them things doesn't automatically mean they'll become spoiled. It's more a behavioral thing, and helping them realize that they aren't only children out in the real world. Parents of only children, how do you deal with this situation? Do other people often unfairly assume that your baby is doomed to be spoiled?
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