More women than you may realize have had to deal with miscarriage at least once in their life. Fact is, as many as 75% of all conceptions do end in miscarriage. However, regardless of how many other women have experienced the loss of baby, or how high statistics really are against us, it still hurts badly when we miscarry. Having walked this lonely road recently, I'd like to share with you some ways to deal with miscarriage and the pain involved.
Miscarriage isn't something that you can get over in one night, so know that dealing with miscarriage may take some time. Some need to grieve for months before being able to move on. It is okay to take you time in the grieving process. Just because you never laid eyes on your baby, or never held your baby in your arms doesn't make you any less entitled to the grieving process. Take your time and let yourself cry for that precious baby you lost.
Each miscarriage is different, and while some may actually have a tiny baby to bury, others do not. Regardless of whether you do or not, it is good to bury something close by to lay the baby to rest and give you a place to go back to and see. I was able to bury my tiny baby, but I had already determined to bury "his" going home outfit if I wasn't able to bury him. It would be a symbol of laying the child to rest, and would give you some closure, which every mother dealing with miscarriage needs to move on.
Unless you have family members that have also experienced a miscarriage, they will find it hard to relate to you and completely see your pain. (Sure, they will be sad, but trust me, the pain is not the same.) But family has a way of healing you through the laughter and joy they bring. Pulling away from family during moments of pain is normal for a lot of people. We want to just close our doors and windows and curl up into a ball in the bed and not move - at least I did. But as much as we need some time alone to mourn, we also need time with others to heal. So make sure to spend some time with your loved ones.
As much as your family and friends love you and want to see you happy again, they will not understand your venting. They won't understand your confusion and your anger. They can't; to them, it's a cut and dry reason of, "well, there was something wrong with the baby so you had to miscarry" or "there is more where that one came from, so just hush and try again." Yes, people actually say those things to women who have just miscarried! I strongly suggest you find an online group of ladies having experienced miscarriage and vent to them instead. They will understand your heartache and frustrations. And it will do your heart some good to know that there are others going through the exact same thing as you and acknowledge the feelings you are having.
Seriously, get outside, right now! Step away from your computer, go outside, look up into the beautiful sky and take 5 deep breaths of fresh air and say, "I can do this." You can get through this, you know. Yes, it's hard, but I am living proof that you can go on. Studies show that sunlight is good for fighting depression and other illnesses. Sunlight and fresh air are good for your mind, body and soul. So try to regularly take walks outside, or at least sit outside on your porch for a bit, and just breathe.
A miscarriage will physically exhaust your body of all that is good and healthy. Your hormones will be so messed up you won't feel like yourself. Your iron levels take a hit because of all the blood loss. I know you are saying, "Gee, way to make me feel better, Elizabeth." I know, I know, it looks pretty bad, but this is why God gave us herbs! There are many herbs that you can take following a miscarriage to help regulate your body quickly and naturally and get you feeling good again! Hormonal herbs such as Wild Yam and Black Cohosh are good, as well as vitamin D, iron, and of course, continue taking your prenatal vitamins as well. Ask your doctor for more information on herbs you can take.
Don't let a miscarriage deter you from planning on more children later. Think about the future kids you can have. Do you want boys or girls? One of each? Who will they look like? Just think, you can tell them that they have their very own personal angel looking out for them. Won't they feel special? As painful as a miscarriage is, it isn't the end of the world or your life. You can go on to be very happy, with Heaven's newest angel looking down on you and always living in your heart.
Those of us who have been where you are at don't expect you to get over your miscarriage magically and instantly. We don't expect you to be healed and back to normal tomorrow or even next week. But we do expect you to try to heal. Take time, yes, but please don't fall off into depression and let this rob you of the healing and future you, too, can experience after miscarriage. Have you had to deal with miscarriage before? Are you going through a miscarriage now? We would love to hear your comments, and be here to reply and help you through it!
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