It is difficult to know what to do when your teenager talks back to you. This behavior seems to have the ability to make the calmest of parents seethe with fury. But what are the best ways to actually handle this situation? As a mom going through raising teenagers, let me share what I am learning works best when your teenager talks back.
If you can prevent it from happening in the first place, that is the very best option. That isn’t always possible but I will tell you that if you have rules in place, it helps. When you have rules in place, there is no need for negotiations or talking back. Things are already decided and that’s that. When your teenager talks back, think about if it is because there are no rules to define what is and is not acceptable to them. If there aren’t any in place, it would be a good idea to set some.
Sometimes teenagers talk back because they are upset. It is still no excuse and it doesn’t fly in our home, either way. But it can help me as a parent to know what is going on with my child more if I can step back out of the situation for a moment. Are they upset about something? Are they frustrated by their lack of choices? This isn’t always fixable but sometimes it is.
It is infuriating when your teenager talks back to you. Can you tell I am right there with you? I feel the same emotions you do, fellow mothers. But reacting in anger isn’t good for us or our teens. It is best to take a moment or two to just breathe through our anger until we are calm enough to deal with the situation. That is a better option than reacting harshly in anger.
Sometimes it's best to call your teenager’s attention to what they are doing. Making them rephrase what they just said is a way to do that. It calls their attention to the fact their words or tone were inappropriate. Most likely, your teen will not like this and will not want to repeat this exercise. That is a good thing and means that they get your point loud and clear.
It is best to pick your battles with teenagers. But if they are being truly disrespectful, they need consequences. Each parent knows what works best to get the attention of their child. In our home, the loss of internet privileges magically helps respect reappear. Sometimes giving consequences is just what it takes.
Talking back is rude. There is no need to pretend it is not. Sometimes a frank conversation with your teenager can help you to get this point across to them. Sometimes our teenagers don’t think about how they sound because they are so focused on themselves in the moment. Occasionally, a conversation about how their attitude comes across will nip it in the bud before you have to give consequences.
As difficult as it is to deal with, this phase of talking back will pass. Like all other things teenagers do, they will eventually outgrow it. Dealing with it in the meantime is the difficult part. Sometimes you just have to function on a day to day basis when dealing with teens. Their moods fluctuate frequently and so do their attitudes, so hopefully the phase of talking back will be a short lived one.
It takes effort, patience and sometimes creativity to deal with teenagers. What are your best tips for parenting teens? I would certainly love to hear from you!