It's important to find ways to connect with your mom if you're fortunate enough to have her in your life. I wasn't always close to my mom but we are now in a beautiful place in our relationship. I think it was hard for me to see my parents as people, if that makes sense. But the older I'm getting, my eyes and heart have really opened to see them for who they truly are. I am sharing a few ways to connect with your mom that helped me connect with mine.
1 Talk
It may sound obvious but one of the top ways to connect with your mom is to talk to her. You can't be afraid to talk to your mom about what is on your mind and in your heart. If you feel like she won't listen to you, try starting the conversation out with something like, "Mom, I really need to talk to you and I really need you to listen to me please." Unless she has serious issues (and that's possible), your mom should take you seriously and hopefully hear what you have to say. Once you have some of the harder conversations with your mom, you will probably find it easier to have everyday regular conversations with your mom.
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2 Date Night
Set a date with your mom and keep it. My mom lives in a different state than I do and I often wish that we lived closer so I could meet her for tea or go see a movie with her. If your mom lives close to you, make some time for her because the older we get, our time with our parents isn't as frequent. Time is so precious and it's something you can't ever get back once it's gone.
3 Be Honest
For years I held things inside because I didn't want to upset my mom. She would talk and I would just listen and agree even if I didn't agree with her in my heart. As I got older I couldn't take it anymore so I respectfully learned how to be honest with her. It can be scary to be honest with people, but it's so freeing and it usually leads to deeper and more meaningful relationships.
4 Forgive Her
It's easy to look to your friend's mom and see the "good" differences. But I truly believe that our parents do the best that they can with what they have. I'm not a mom yet but many of my friends are and I watch them figure things out as they go. Some of them have shared how they already feel they could have done things differently and their kids are barely out of diapers. When I started to witness this through my friends it really changed my perspective towards my own mom. She had me in her 20s like many mothers do and you know what, she's not perfect! But she loves me and I'm sure that your mother loves you too. If you are angry at your mom, find a way to forgive her. She isn't perfect and neither are you.
5 Her Shoes
This point connects to forgiveness. Try to be empathetic towards your mom and put yourself in her shoes. How does your father treat her? How was she raised by your grandparents? What are your mom's dreams, or what were they before she had you? This exercise really helped me to see my mom in a new way and it opened my heart even more towards her.
6 Humanize
Even though your mom is from another generation she is not from another planet. A great way to connect with your mom is to see her as a woman. Well, she is after all. I think for me, I saw my mom as someone in a role or position, kind of like some people do with pastors or politicians. She was a mom, not a person to me. It sounds so silly now but I think this way of thinking kept me in a place where I wasn't able to connect with her on a human level. So I started to take more of an interest in what she loves and doesn't love and this helped me see her as just another woman (who happened to give birth to me, smile).
7 Thank Her
Take some time to reflect on what your mom has done for you since you were a child. I remember making a list of what my mom had done for me and by the time I was finished, I just wanted to hug her. Your mom does so much for you, whether you realize it or not. There are isolated cases where this may not be the case and if this is you, I'm so sorry and hope that you at least have a mother figure in your life. If you do, thank her as well for filling the shoes that your mother couldn't fill.
What was your mom like when she was your age? If you don't know you should ask her. Do you know what you have inherited from your mom? I'd love to hear about how you have been able to connect with your mom.
