7 Effective Strategies to Make Time-Outs Work for Your Family

1. Explain What You Expect

First up on the list of ways to make time-outs work with your children is to explain what you expect. Tell them that you expect them to sit down for a certain length of time. Explain they are not allowed to get up or talk to anyone during that time. Let them know this was because they made a poor choice. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, clear communication is the foundation of effective discipline. Speak as if you expect them to obey you, and they will be much more likely to do so.

Before you start, make sure you've established these basic ground rules:

2. Sit by Them if Necessary

When you are dealing with a small child, such as one under the age of three or four, it may be necessary to sit beside them during their time out. The purpose of that is to make sure they remain where you placed them. When you start using time-outs with children, you have to teach them what that means. If you find yourself frequently dealing with a restless child, you might also find it helpful to learn ways to keep your toddler occupied during other times of the day to burn off excess energy. Sitting by them is part of that. This way, when they start to get up you can remind them that they are in time-out and have to sit where you instructed them to.

3. Explain What You Want Them to Think about and Why

Part of making sure that time-outs work with your children is explaining why they are in trouble. Sometimes we take for granted that our children already know this but it is important to explain where they went wrong. Tell them clearly the reason they are going to have a time-out. It is also a good idea to tell them that you want them to think about why their choice was wrong while they are in time-out. While some parents prefer methods like attachment parenting, time-outs can still be a respectful way to encourage self-reflection. Tell them you want them to think about what they should have done instead. This approach helps build their problem-solving skills for future situations.

4. Set a Timer

It is a good idea to set a timer when you are giving your child a time-out. There are a couple of reasons for this. One, it lets your child know their time is limited in time-out so they don’t feel hopeless and spend their time in time-out wondering how long they will be sitting there instead of what they should be thinking about. Secondly, it makes sure that you don’t forget you have placed them in time-out and yes, that can happen as most seasoned parents will attest to. Experts at the Mayo Clinic recommend a consistent duration based on the child's age. A good rule to follow is one minute per year of age.

Here is a quick reference guide for recommended durations:

5. Talk with Them Afterwards

This is part two of a time-out. You need to go back and talk with your child when their time-out is over. Ask them what they thought about and what a better choice would have been. I know that this is difficult and takes time. I know that the day of a parent is already overrun with responsibilities. But if you want your time-out to truly make a difference, this step is key. It turns the discipline into a teaching moment rather than just a punishment.

6. Don’t Overuse Them

Time-outs should be something used sparingly, like most discipline. If you want them to really have an impact, you cannot use them ten times a day. There will be times you need to use them more often, such as when your child is really small and still learning rules and what their parents will and won’t tolerate. However, if you're dealing with recurring issues like sibling rivalry, you might need a broader set of tools. But time-outs will lose their effectiveness if overused. Your child will eventually get to the point where they think time-outs are no big deal if you overuse them.

7. Have a Certain Spot for Time-outs

It is best to have a certain spot for time-outs. This helps both you and your child. You don’t have to think of where to place them and they know exactly where to go. It should be in a room that is pretty boring and there are no distractions such as TV or their toys. There are time-out rugs and benches you can purchase for use during a time-out. Consistency in location reinforces the boundary you are setting.

Time-outs can help you tremendously when it comes to discipline with your child. What hints and tips have you used to make time-out work in your family? Please share with us in the comments below!