It's very upsetting when your parents prefer your sibling and can cause a lot of resentment between you. Some parents make it very plain that they have a favored child; others may not mean to show favoritism but seem to have an obvious preference for one of their children. But sometimes it's just the impression that you get, and in reality your parents don't have a favored child at all. Here are some ways to cope when your parents prefer your sibling …

1. Tell Them How You Feel

When your parents prefer your sibling, try telling them that you think they have a preference and that it upsets you. They genuinely may not have noticed that they show a preference. Talking to them will bring your feelings out in the open and allow you to discuss them. But avoid being accusatory and getting upset; a calm discussion is more likely to have positive results.

2. Don't Blame Your Sibling

Don't hold your sibling responsible for the attitude of your parents. They probably haven't done anything to encourage their favored treatment. Some parents who show a preference actively encourage dissent between their children; if this is the case, don't go along with that. You don't want to lose your relationship with your sibling.

3. Is It Really Favoritism?

Take a step back and look at the situation with a cool head. Could it be a matter of perception - are your parents really treating your sibling better than you? Are you misunderstanding the situation? You may realise that it's not actually how you think it is, and that your parents are actually treating all of you equally.

4. There May Be a Reason

If your parents seem to show a preference for one of your siblings, there may be a reason for it that you're not aware of. Perhaps your sibling needs more attention, and your parents see you as stronger and more capable. So it could actually be a compliment to you, even if it doesn't actually seem that way at first.

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5. Talk to Your Siblings

You could also benefit from having a chat with your siblings. You may find that they think exactly the same way, just that they see you as the favored child! And if they are indeed favored by your parents, it may be helpful if you have their support in trying to change your parents' behavior.

6. They Still Love You

It may not be all that suprising if your parents do prefer one of your siblings. This is nothing to do with you, but we all have favorite people - family included. Perhaps your sibling has more in common with your parent and shares their interests. It doesn't mean that they don't love you.

7. Not Your Fault

Finally, remember that if your parents show preference for one of your siblings, it isn't your fault. It's nothing you have or haven't done, and doesn't mean that you're lacking in some way. The issue is your parents, and only they are responsible for the way they act.

So if you can't change your parents' preference for your sibling, try to come to terms with it and not let it affect your life to much. It may be painful, but it's not your fault. Do you secretly prefer one of your own children?

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

Anyomous
2022-06-08T14:12:41.918Z
Thanks for letting me write this comment I feel better
mmmm
2022-05-26T22:15:53.715Z
it is, it always is! nobody understands, my brother gets everything in the world, i have to wait. im tired of being the oldest child, the middle child gets everything, just because hes the baby.. my mom thinks that im just sad for a stupid reason, she doesn't care! if anything she blames and screams at me, its always my fault, and I just can't deal with it anymore
Anyomous
2022-06-08T14:11:56.683Z
I am tired of this!! My parents prefer my younger brother and sister.. I'm tired of being the eldest. They only love them and whenever I Confort them on this they always says that they love my and my siblings equally but they don't. They except me to be all grown up at a younger age. They Puts a lots of pressure on me for my career and thinks they gives me to much freedom and doesn't pressurise me but they do and all the damn time. They want me to always be well behaved because my siblings learn from me.. I feel so defeated and down everyday watching them sharing moments with my siblings. Many times I feel jealous towards my own siblings when I know that it's not their fault. Why do parents have to give us birth when they can't treat and love us equally.. . . 😞😖😭😭💔💔
Anonymous
2023-02-02T17:30:18.383Z
I'm the youngest sibling and I thought I would be the one to be cared for more but I'm not. It hurts to see my mom be more affectionate and close with my older siblings and I'm always left out and when me and my sister get into fights, both verbal and physical she always tells me to stop fighting and even though my older siblings start it, I always get blamed. I honestly wanna end my life sometimes and wonder if they would even care.
Anonymous
2023-02-21T04:43:17.392Z
I have a druggie brother, my mom might criticize him but also enables him, often times she will say he's just a troubled child with a brain injury. While I, the eldest and only sibling to finish college so far, have been thrown under the bus, lied to, and constantly invalidated. I've had some tough experiences and am jobless but have been trying to recover and make my way in the world. Yet I feel like my mom sees me as a failure but my brother who literally is only successful because he's getting loads of money somehow gets more attention/preference. I don't know what to do anymore.
Lili
2023-01-17T04:01:02.559Z
They just feel like I am ungrateful for everything I actually have and am just trying to start an argument.
Artemis
2024-11-17T03:14:32.099Z
I'm the younger sister and I feel like I'm just the spare parts for my older sister. My mom once told me that my parents weren't planning on having another child, but then my sister got lonely and kept asking for a sibling. I also have to do all the chores in the house when I still have a mountain of homework to do when my sister just gets to play video games. It's exhausting. My parents also expect me to have the very best grades when they don't even give me time to do hw. Whenever I try to tell my parents how I feel, I always get invalidated and told to focus on school instead of on improving my mental health. I've already harmed myself many times over the years because of this. I've definitely thought about ending everything. At least I have my friends to help me.
Vivi
2022-07-24T21:07:19.361Z
My sister gets everything she wants. She knows that she is the favorite uses it to get whatever she wants. I've tried telling my parents but the just yell at me, tell me to shut up and stop bi***ing. We are twins, born in the same minute, so I don't know how to explain it. She gets both the advantages and privileges of being the oldest (she was technically born first) but also gets away with everything, like the youngest usually does (me). I just get stuck in the middle with the disadvantages of both. I get more chores, have to always be ready first, and have to do everything bad first and everything good last. I also am always pushed around, always introduced as "the younger one", and everyone assumes I am lazy and entitled. But I'm not. She is. On vacation, I always have to pull the big suitcase where as my sister just gets the small one. We're twins for crying out loud! Shouldn't we be treated the same? Plus, I get motion sickness and pulling the big suitcase isn't the most appealing thing when I feel like throwing up. There are plenty more situations like this. I have to take my shower first because she will take hours in there otherwise. Which should be nice, right? Wrong. That means I have to get everything done in less time than her. And my sister doesn't get in trouble. She slammed my head into my bed frame and gave me a scar, but she didn't get in trouble. She never does.
Colbie
2022-11-14T16:21:28.692Z
#1 I tried talking to them but they just got angry and started shouting at me