It's really infuriating if your parents treat you and your brother differently. Sadly some families still hold outdated ideas based on gender roles and treat their daughters differently from their sons. Here are some tips you can try if your parents treat you and your brother differently …
1. Do They Have Concerns
If your parents treat you and your brother differently, talk to them about why they do this. Do they have any concerns that lead them to think you need protecting? Are they worried for your safety if you stay out late? Find out what the issue is and you might be able to suggest a way of dealing with those concerns, such as doing self-defense or calling them.
2. Ask for Equality
Parents can be blissfully unaware that they are treating their children differently. Tell your parents how they are treating you differently and ask them to treat you the same as your brother. Sometimes it takes a clear request for things to change. Tell them that it's only fair for you to be treated equally.
Frequently asked questions
It's a tough situation, and there could be many reasons. Sometimes parents have unconscious biases, or they may relate differently to each child based on personalities or interests. It's not fair, and you're not alone in feeling this way.
Start by finding a calm time to talk. Use 'I' statements, like 'I feel hurt when...' Focus on your feelings, not accusations. It's about opening a dialogue, not starting a fight.
Firstly, recognize your value and strengths. Try to build a support network outside your immediate family, like trusted friends or mentors. Remember, how you're treated doesn't define your worth.
It's often due to traditional gender roles and expectations, even if they don't mean to. Society has ingrained these biases over time. Parents might not even realize they're doing it.
Focus on self-care and building your confidence. Engage in activities you love and excel at. Sometimes, talking to a counselor or therapist can provide tools to deal with these feelings too.
3. Is There a Reason
Perhaps there is a genuine, understandable reason why your parents treat you differently. Does your brother need more of their attention emotionally or have medical needs that take up your parents' time? Perhaps they see you as a stronger character? If this can explain why they treat you differently, it should be easier to deal with.
4. Stand up for Yourself
If, however, there isn't a good reason for their attitude, and they're just being unfair, stand up for yourself. If you all still live in the same household, insist that your brother does his share of the work equal to your own. You have to stand up for yourself, otherwise nothing will change and your parents will carry on treating you in a different way.
5. Sexism
If your parents' attitude is based on outdated ideas about gender roles, then point out that they are being sexist. You're equal to your brother and deserve equal treatment. If they insist that girls should do certain jobs, look for ways to refute their arguments. Sometimes, equality has to be fought for.
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6. Age
Perhaps your parents treat you differently because your brother is older and they are comfortable with giving him more freedoms because of that. If so, then you might have to wait until you get older. Or you could try to show them that you are responsible enough to handle more freedom.
7. Stay Away
If you're well into adulthood and nothing looks likely to change, no matter how much you try, then you might have to consider limiting your contact with your family. This won't actually change their attitude - it's impossible to make someone else change - but it will mean that their different treatment is rubbed in your face less. If the way they treat you is far worse, and really damaging to your well-being, then cutting contact may be necessary. But that's only for extreme cases.
All siblings should be treated the same, but since it doesn't always work out that way you may have to persuade your parents to change their attitude. And if you're the one being treated better, support your siblings and argue that they deserve the same as you. Do your parents clearly prefer one of your siblings, and how has it affected you?
Comments
Sheila: My In law does it to me... Not my parents
Dianelis: My parents have always treated my brother better. It's been hard for me to cope with this because I had never gotten the same emotional support they give him. They tinnk that I'm emotionally stronger than him since he has emotional issues and younger than me. But I'm working towards moving out and not having to deal with it any longer.
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