Jealousy among twins is one of the problems that I expected to encounter as Nicholas and Antoinette joined Jeff and I in this place we call home. Since the time I discovered that I was pregnant, I started asking friends who have twins for tips to avoid jealousy among twins, so I can better prepare myself for what is to come. Here are some of their answers:
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Avoid Favoritism, Never Compare
Even when you really have a favorite, control your emotions in front of the children. By all means possible, stay neutral. Playing favorites can manifest in what you may think of as "harmless statements" such as, "Look at your brother, he is so well behaved!" Jealousy among twins is common just as much as sibling rivalry is a force of nature.
When it comes to parenting twins, it can be difficult to avoid favoritism and not compare them to each other. While it may seem harmless to make comments like “Look at your brother, he is so well behaved!”, this can create feelings of jealousy and hurt between the twins. It is important to remember that sibling rivalry is a natural part of growing up, and that twins are no exception.
In order to avoid jealousy among twins, it is important to be consistent and fair with both of them. This means treating them the same in terms of discipline, privileges, and rewards. It is also important to give each twin individual attention. Even if the twins are close, they still need to have some time away from each other to develop their own identities.
It is also important to be aware of how you speak to the twins. Avoid making comparisons between them, and instead focus on praising them for their individual accomplishments. Try to find something special about each twin and emphasize it. Avoid labeling them and try to avoid using nicknames that can be seen as derogatory.
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Do Not ALWAYS Treat Them as One
Sure it’s cute to say, "The twins are off to a playdate," but Mommy, these are two people we are talking about, and they do need to establish their own individual selves and identities. When one of the twins commits a mistake, do not include the other in the punishment. It’s unfair, and it will create a feeling of resentment in the one who didn’t commit any blunder.
It is important for parents of twins to recognize that they are two separate individuals and should be treated as such. As children, twins may look the same, but they are unique individuals with their own personalities, interests, and abilities. It is important to nurture and encourage each twin’s individual development.
One way to do this is to make sure that each twin has their own space. This can be in the form of separate bedrooms, desks, or even just separate areas in a shared room. This will help them to develop their own sense of identity and give them a place to call their own.
It is also important to give each twin individual attention. This can be done by spending quality time with each one separately. This could be in the form of reading stories, playing games, or just talking. This will help them to feel valued and appreciated as individuals.
When discipline is necessary, it is important to make sure that each twin is treated fairly and appropriately. Do not punish one twin for the mistakes of the other, as this can create resentment and jealousy between the two. Instead, focus on the individual behavior and the consequences that come with it.
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Twins Need Breaks from Each Other
Twins are built-in playmates ever since they met inside the mother’s womb. They have been sharing almost everything from day one of conception. You know what they say about familiarity breeds contempt? Well, the feeling may not be that strong, but imagine being with the same person for every second, hour, day and year of your life. Twins need breaks from each other. Acknowledge that and respect it.
Twins are a special kind of bond, but it can be difficult to ensure that both children receive equal attention and respect. With two people so close in age, it is easy for one twin to become jealous of the other, and this can create tension and resentment. In order to keep jealousy from forming between twins, it is important to recognize when they need a break from each other.
When twins are together all the time, it can lead to feelings of resentment and competition. It’s important to recognize when twins need a break from each other. This can be done by providing opportunities for each twin to have some alone time, or by allowing them to have separate activities with different friends. It’s also important to ensure that each twin has their own space and privacy.
It’s also important to make sure that each twin is given equal attention and respect. This means that each twin should be given the same amount of time and attention, and that each twin should be allowed to have their own interests and activities. It’s important to recognize each twin’s individual strengths and talents, and to provide opportunities for each twin to shine.
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Spend One-on-One Dates with Each Child
My friend, who is a mother of eight-year-old boy twins, said she does this every week. Take one child to the park for an hour or two on a Saturday morning; take the other one in the afternoon. One-on-one dates allow each child to talk to you without worrying about having the other one hearing what he has to say. The key here is to establish a culture of communication and fairness. You want to hear the two sides of the story, right?
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Allow Them to Choose Their Own Hobby or Sport
It is extremely cute to see twins playing football together or playing badminton side-by-side each other, but was it their choice? Or did you force them to take the sport?
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Meaning is not what you start with but what you end up with.
Properly Identify Belongings
Lately, we have observed that our 11-month-olds are biting and whacking each other in the face over a Dora the Explorer doll. We tell them as early as now that Dora is Toni’s (our girl) toy and not Nick’s, but they’re too young to understand. Jeff and I however expect that scenes like this will happen in the not-so-distant future so we already came up with a plan to prevent and avoid it. One idea of which is to hold a family meeting and properly identify belongings and possessions, which means that it will be openly declared who owns what. If A wants to borrow B’s belonging, A needs to ask for permission from B and vice versa.
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Instill in Them the Value of Cooperation, Not Competition
We've been talking about cooperation to the twins, even going to the extent of showing them simple examples like Dad moving to the crib and Mom reaching out to the other side to pick up the toys they dropped. Sometimes, we take their high chairs to the kitchen, put them in there as they watch us washing dishes together. Then one day, while they were playing inside their closet, I saw Nick kneeling on all fours, while Toni stepped on his back. She managed to reach a piece of luggage with Nick helping her. Nick then stood up and joined her. I call this "twinwork."
Sibling rivalry doesn't have to rule in your house of twins! What do you think about rivalry among twins?
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