4 Wrong Reasons to Consider Adopting a Child ...

One of the worst wrong reasons to consider adoption is because you want to be someone's savior. It’s amazing to me how many complete strangers look at my international family, and remark, “your children are so lucky” or “you’re such an amazing person to have done this.” What gets my protective instincts kicking in is that these people say this in front of my children! I know you’ve never done this to an adoptive family, but I bet you know someone who has. I’d like to settle this here and now. Our children are not lucky. My husband and I are. I’m not an amazing person. My children are. They are the ones who started life in crisis, loss, and grief and have come out the other side to try to recreate better endings to their stories! We didn’t “save” them. They still have struggles, just like we all do. In fact, they teach my husband and I more each day about resiliency and joy than we could ever teach them. If you think you’d like to “save” a child, perhaps you should consider sponsoring a student across the globe. Or better yet, you might opt to become a local reading buddy, Big Sister, or mentor in your community. Remember, an adoptive family is a family, not a non-profit relief organization.

Maybe your friends have adopted children. Maybe your church advocates for adoption. Or, perhaps your charity-minded pursuits have dwindled, and so you’re looking to do something colossal to get people’s attention again. Please go rescue a puppy. Organize a fundraiser. Plan a walk-a-thon. I would urge you not to adopt a child for the sake of your charitable reputation. We all want to be heroes. What you’ll discover when you adopt a child is that your new growing family will be the ones in need of community heroes the most. You’ll need guidance, encouragement, and kindness. It’s a lovely thing to be a part of that kind of community, but it takes a humble heart to understand you’ll likely be the recipient of that kind of support as an adoptive family. Have no worries. Some day your child will look back and thank you, but it’ll be that very child and the life you’ve built for which you’re thankful, not some fleeting accolade from your friends or neighbors.

Yes! Babies are cute! So are kittens, pandas, a new pair of shoes, the latest hairstyle, and Shamar Moore. That doesn’t mean you should go get one. Just like puppies, kids grow up. Trust me. It takes a lot of work, patience, and sacrifice to ensure they stay cute. ☺

I’m a planner. Some of you are more of the “fly by the seat of your adorable leggings” kind of girls. Adoption is one area where planning and setting realistic expectations will save you a lot of pain and disappointment later. If you are considering adoption, but have not attended a support group for adoptive families, read any books on adoptive parenting, found a professional adoption-savvy counselor, or gone through any training, please stop reading this article and go do that now. I know of countless parents with high-power jobs, an abundance of financial resources, and plenty of good intentions. Those characteristics don’t matter when it comes to the success of your adoption journey and parenting a child who has been adopted. It’s a journey that doesn’t end when you bring your bundle of joy home. If you don’t have a support system or stable emotional health, you will struggle. Heck, you’ll struggle even with those things. Make sure you’re prepared for the rocky but oh-so-very-rewarding journey.

I love my children to Jupiter’s moons and back. However, if I had entered our adoption process with either self-serving intentions or incorrect expectations, I honestly don’t know where we would be right now. Adoption is a super meaningful way to start or build your family. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Our family has only achieved the secure relationships and joy-filled environment we have because we went into the decision to adopt fully aware of our reasons, expectations, and possible challenges. Even then, we’re still learning day by day. If you’re ready, it’s worth it. So...have we scared you or inspired you?